Emulsify Me Daddy

Cooking is science—or so I've heard. Personally I hate to think of cooking as science and prefer to think about it the same way I think about writing but ANYWAY. Lately I've been getting into emulsions in the kitchen? Which does sound A. Ridiculous B. Like science. So let's talk emulsions, baby!

On like day one of social distancing, I really wanted a Jimmy John's sandwich? Do not @ me. I however did not have access to a Jimmy John's sandwich so my totally normal way of processing this was to make my own sandwiches including...mayonnaise made from scratch.

Mayonnaise is a classic emulsion and I'm apparently the kind of person who says "classic emulsion" now. My girlfriend recently gifted me a copy of Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat by Samin Nosrat, and it is hands down the best cookbook I've ever laid eyes on (I usually don't like cookbooks due to my aforementioned tendency to never follow rules in the kitchen!). But even I will admit emulsions require rules and equations. Homemade mayo definitely requires precision. But the best part of Samin's guide to making is that she also includes tips for how to fix it if something goes wrong—namely if the mayo "breaks."

Here's a video of Samin explaining the mayo emulsion process:


In that video, she teaches you how to make her basic mayo (just egg yolks and oil! that's it!), which can then be used to make other specific mayos and dips like aioli. For my sandwiches, I added lemon and cilantro to the basic mayo.


My mayo came close to breaking a few times, but I patiently followed Samin's rules for avoiding it. Emulsions are simultaneously simple and finicky. It really is CHEMISTRY or whatever. Unfortunately, I ended up messing it up in the most basic of ways. I nailed the emulsion in the end (personally I think that is impressive considering I did get a B in high school chemistry), yielding a creamy consistency.

But then I OVER-SALTED MY MAYO!!!!! I can't believe I fucked up salt content on a SAMIN NOSRAT RECIPE. She is the overlord of salt, and I feel like I have disappointed her. Cooking errors are always a bummer, but I'm especially trying to make the most of every single ingredient I use right now as well as trying to minimize waste to the best of my ability, so it felt like even more of a failure than usual. I was able to "fix" the super salty mayo though by adding some more lemon juice and then used acidic sandwich toppings. Thank u, acid.

***

On day nine of social distancing, I decided to make brunch at home for me and my girlfriend. A new friend dropped off eggs from her literal chicken coop, and I was dying to use them right away. Plus, I'd made risotto the night before and I wanted to incorporate the leftovers somehow. I settled on risotto cake eggs benedict, which meant it was time for another emulsion: hollandaise!

Homemade hollandaise takes a little less time and concentration than homemade mayo, but it's similarly both easy to make and easy to fuck up. 

In a metal bowl, vigorously whisk three egg yolks and half a tablespoon of lemon juice until it starts to thicken a bit. Then simmer like an inch of water in a saucepan on the stove and plop the metal bowl on top and add half a stick of melted butter, whisking the whole time. The idea is to get the mixture warm via the simmering water beneath it but not so hot that the eggs start to cook. The mixture will start to thicken but if you've been whisking it for a while and it's still super thin, add one more egg yolk. If it over-thickens, add some warm water. Once it gets to your desired thickness, you can serve it right away or cover it and keep it in a warmish place until your eggs benedict are ready.

I drizzled that goop over some pan-fried risotto cakes and eggs, my girlfriend made some grapefruit mimosas, and we jumped right back into our never-ending Vanderpump Rules marathon. Sunday brunch at home can be just as delightful (and noisy if you have a Bravo show on) as brunch out and about!!!!!



In short, emulsions are great, especially if you—ahem—suddenly find yourself with an absurd amount of eggs.

xoxo

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