Random Acts of Hubris: Popping By the Jalapenos on a Rainy Evening
"Hey, I pretty much have everything I need to make jalapeno poppers."
Narrator: She did not.
The very nature of forced solitude allows for strange things to brew inside us. Boredom, combined with the comfort of a satiated belly and a mind unready to surrender to sleep come up with wild ideas that stretch logic. Thoughts like "Fuck it let's have a snack" and "oh crap I didn't buy any snacks" and "Hey I could probably basically make jalapeno poppers rn"
Then perhaps one realizes, that actually, no, they cannot, because they lack one central ingredient: cheese. But, hark!
Inspiration strikes! Jalapeno Bottle Caps are the true spicy purists' obsession, and there's always a way to make those!
Except, one realizes they no longer have the bread crumbs they thought they had in their pantry, and certainly no eggs.
Welp, you'd suppose such a scenario would be the end of our journey, but of course it isn't. Lacking the right tools and know how is no reason to quit. The very idea is downright un-American.
And so, much like My Chemical Romance, we'll carry on.
As I assembled my motley crew of available ingredients, I realized if I couldn't make a batter, perhaps I could do the next best thing: Cowboy Candy aka candied jalapenos. Seemed doable enough, even though I decided to forgo the step of googling around for any recipes or best practices. I had some of Mikes Hot Honey lying around, which I assume would carry the lion's share of the candying, a lil olive oil to fry it in, and a handful of extras like vinegar, garlic, cumin, and such to liven up the flavor profile.
So I set out to get some oil warming in the pan, while whisking up that coating of honey, spices, and vinegar. Seemed yummy enough.
Welp, the end result was not quite as crispy as I would have hoped, but I was also growing impatient, (it being some ungodly wee hour and all), so I also didn't try very hard. In the end, I basically flash pickled some jalapenos and accidentally created a quick chili chutney. Not bad by any means. I def gobbled them up straight and then subsequently googled how many jalapenos you'd have to eat to count as a serving of fruits and vegetables (verdict: unclear).
Tbh, save for the honey, a quick chili fry like this is a common convenience homefood I grew up eating- either over rice, with whatever flat breads were around, or putting it between two pieces of sliced bread and calling it a day. If I was hungrier and more time invested, I could've popped in some diced tomatoes to create a basic tomato chutney (maybe that's an adventure we revisit another day!)
Perhaps it'll be time for cheese and bread crumbs and eggs the next time I travel out to our dystopian hellscape for sundries, (whenever that might be). But there are worse mistakes to make than stumbling on #accidentalchutney.*
*FYI: 99% of my food mistakes become #accidentalchutney or #accidentalcurry
The very nature of forced solitude allows for strange things to brew inside us. Boredom, combined with the comfort of a satiated belly and a mind unready to surrender to sleep come up with wild ideas that stretch logic. Thoughts like "Fuck it let's have a snack" and "oh crap I didn't buy any snacks" and "Hey I could probably basically make jalapeno poppers rn"
Then perhaps one realizes, that actually, no, they cannot, because they lack one central ingredient: cheese. But, hark!
Inspiration strikes! Jalapeno Bottle Caps are the true spicy purists' obsession, and there's always a way to make those!
Except, one realizes they no longer have the bread crumbs they thought they had in their pantry, and certainly no eggs.
Welp, you'd suppose such a scenario would be the end of our journey, but of course it isn't. Lacking the right tools and know how is no reason to quit. The very idea is downright un-American.
And so, much like My Chemical Romance, we'll carry on.
As I assembled my motley crew of available ingredients, I realized if I couldn't make a batter, perhaps I could do the next best thing: Cowboy Candy aka candied jalapenos. Seemed doable enough, even though I decided to forgo the step of googling around for any recipes or best practices. I had some of Mikes Hot Honey lying around, which I assume would carry the lion's share of the candying, a lil olive oil to fry it in, and a handful of extras like vinegar, garlic, cumin, and such to liven up the flavor profile.
So I set out to get some oil warming in the pan, while whisking up that coating of honey, spices, and vinegar. Seemed yummy enough.
Welp, the end result was not quite as crispy as I would have hoped, but I was also growing impatient, (it being some ungodly wee hour and all), so I also didn't try very hard. In the end, I basically flash pickled some jalapenos and accidentally created a quick chili chutney. Not bad by any means. I def gobbled them up straight and then subsequently googled how many jalapenos you'd have to eat to count as a serving of fruits and vegetables (verdict: unclear).
Tbh, save for the honey, a quick chili fry like this is a common convenience homefood I grew up eating- either over rice, with whatever flat breads were around, or putting it between two pieces of sliced bread and calling it a day. If I was hungrier and more time invested, I could've popped in some diced tomatoes to create a basic tomato chutney (maybe that's an adventure we revisit another day!)
Perhaps it'll be time for cheese and bread crumbs and eggs the next time I travel out to our dystopian hellscape for sundries, (whenever that might be). But there are worse mistakes to make than stumbling on #accidentalchutney.*
*FYI: 99% of my food mistakes become #accidentalchutney or #accidentalcurry
I would buy a jar labeled "Anam's accidental chutney"
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